Sunday, July 29, 2007


Where do i wanna start.

Amber is doing better...I still sleep with the phones nearby in my bedroom. I monitor my minutes on the phone all the time. So far, so good.

Last week the kids decided that they wanted to switch their bedrooms around. I like the way Amber has her set up, it actually looks like their is some room in there now. Darin's room is just flipped. He has the smallest bedroom and Frankly unless i get him a smaller stand up dresser there isn't much else you can do. After they moved their rooms i had them go thru their dressers for clothes that no longer fit or clothes they will not wear. So now i have a better idea of what they need for school clothes.

I started some shopping for clothes this week. I got them shoes for school, Amber at 11 is wearing a size 9,and my son freaked me out! My 12 year old boy is in a size 12 shoe!!!!!!! He will never sink in those boats!!! lol I got some basic essentials, socks, bras, underwear. Looks like Amber is not in bad shape at all just needs a few new things to be a little different for school, and Darin needs pants! He is sporting a size 40 waist! Thank god he grew upward, otherwise he would look like a weeble He's hovering over me now, he makes fun of me for being so short..(Jerk). some hopeful news. As you all know i have been looking for another job since mine has knocked me all the way down to 18 and 20 hours. I have been looking for what seems like a year. All of a sudden i have 2 interviews this week! One for Kroger's on Tuesday and on Friday i have an interview to work in a hospital! I hope that one of them will offer me a job. I really want the hospital job, but at this point anything is in there.

I had to take my big dog Mini to the vets on Friday and she had to have surgery on some masses. I thought that she had 2 relatives big masses but when the doctor took a look at her there was 5 in total. They were all removed, she is in alot of pain and she has some good meds in her. She takes her pain pills and if you have never seen a dog high before, it's the most hilarious thing i have seen in awhile. Her eyes are small slits when she looks at you and she gets confused of where she wants to be. I feel bad for her....I feel bad for me also because that was not another expense that i needed...but pets are like family right? And she has given us 11 wonderful years. They did some test to see if it may be cancer and from what they could see she was cancer free. They sent off some specimens and i won't know for certain until next week...but what from what they did do it was safe to say she was safe.

I finally got Frank's car hooked up with a hitch so that he can take his boat out. What good is having a boat when it's only decorating your backyard, right?
He's so excited about being able to finally use his boat.

Well it's getting late and i have been up early everyday.
take care all

Thursday, July 12, 2007


What is there to write about? Lately all i can write about is my deep depression. In the last few days i have cried all i can cry, i have fried my brains in thinking on how i went wrong. But it's not my wrong.

Money seems to be the issue, of course that is half of Michigan these days. I was 2 mortgage payments behind and thought i could deal with it. The thing that put me right over the edge was my daughter. My lovely 11 year old daughter, threw in a bill that no one should have to deal with. I'm just going to say it was $700.00 dollars and a cell phone bill. You can piece the rest.

I don't understand why, she don't understand how much i give up for my kids. I don't get my much needed pills and insulin, because i feel feeding the kids should come first! I don't get new clothes, because i don't need to impress anyone and the kids need it more than i. The kids have more than i ever had at their age. I never had a t.v. with cable in my room. And guess what...I still don't! I had a small boom box in my kids have stereo systems with a 5 disc cd changer. I never had game kids have nds's, ps2's, gameboy advance's...

I hate that i feel this way...i can't trust her and i really hate that feeling! I have yelled, i have cried, i have talked to her and i have almost come close to really physically hurting her. I have punished her, she is not allowed to have any friends over all summer, she is not to be near a phone at all! ABSOLUTELY no computer. I've threatened that i would send her away.

I've prayed for guidance, patience a second job. I am starting to face that i may have to go back to work for Mcdonald's, it will give me the hours that i want to work.

just a rough time, and thought if i wrote it down i might feel better. I just want to know when life will be worth living for me?!

Wednesday, July 04, 2007


We did get to go up north to visit my friend. We got a little bit of a late start and then got stuck in some traffic for about 20 minutes. We arrived around 10:30 pm, so all we were able to do was play some cards and chat. The kids talked and talked to each other and played games. Frank and I got kinda tired so we went to sleep around 2:30 am, the kids stayed up all night! Frank woke up around 6:30 am and thought it was a good idea to wake me up that early. Well then everyone woke up, and it was off to visit her little zoo and feed all the animals. There was more animals than i thought she had. What i could not believe is that she had some goats that just wondered the property without running away!

Frank had planned on going fishing on Saturday but some clouds came in and rained on his excitement. So when the rain stopped we took a walk up a hill to a small cemetary and walked and looked at the old stones up there. There was a lady that had about 12 children that all died at birth or only lived a few days, the oldest was about a month old. Makes you wonder what happened! I know i would have given up long ago. I saw a stone that i know if anyone buries me better get! It was heart shaped!

After our walk and playing with the animals Barb cooked up some ribs from her freshly slaughtered hog. They were pretty good, Frank was going crazy over them. Barb had some errands to run and when we got back we made smores on the deck in back of her house. Yummy Yummy,

Saturday night we slept in her camper in her drive way. It got really cold outside! I love the cold, but could have used one more But at least we had more sleep than the night before.

Sunday morning i was woke up to my friend jumping around in the camper saying it's time to go canoeing! Mind you that i have never been on a canoeing trip in my life. But for Frank, and Barb's sake i was willing to try. We drove about 45 minutes to travel down Rifle River. You pay for your canoe and they drive you 26 mile down the road and drop you off and you have to canoe back to where you paid for the canoe.

Yep, my fat butt paddle 26 miles of river. Let me tell you that the first hour and a half i was ready to shove a paddle up Frank's butt! He can't steer a canoe if his life depended on it. We kept getting stuck in rocks and hitting everything that was in the river. At one point we actually hit a rock head on and i ended up pushing the sides of my knees so hard into the canoe that they are very badly bruised! After about a hour and a half that's when we flipped our canoe. That's when i decided enough is enough and i tried to steer. Guess what! Things went a whole lot better, the next 5 hours was beautiful, proving yet again that my husband can't
I can tell you tho that my body feels every bit of pain from my knees and feet to my shoulders from paddling.

All and all i went from saying "I will never do this again in my life" to "I will do it again as long as i steer and have the proper shoes". My feet were taking a beating from the rocks in the river. Also i will need a hat! The top of my head is on fire! I put sun screen all over my face so that i would not look like a radish when i was done. OH MY GOD tho, you should see Frank's legs! They have never seen the light of day, (he rarely wears shorts, only to swim in) he is fried! I've had to hear him whine about his legs for a few days now. Poor guy, next time he will put sun screen on

It was fun like i said after i took over. Totally out of character for me, and a great new adventure...At least i know i can do it.
So after our great trip we went back to the house to check on the kids, and decided that the grown ups would go out to dinner. We went to a very country looking place called "Gee's", there was stuffed dead animals everywhere. But they served some very nice food. The men shared a special pizza and i tried a chicken sandwich. After dinner it was really late, and ended up packing up and leaving for home around 8:30 pm. We had to stop real quick and pick up the kids something to eat and off we went on the way home.

As soon as we got close to home i had to stop for some gas and ended up in traffic again because apparently Troy was just letting out after finishing their fireworks. So after we arrived home around midnight, i unpacked, cleaned up the mess in the car, changed the turtle filter, got a load of clothes in the washing machine, i finally passed out around 2:30 in the morning.

When i woke up i was in so much pain that i could barely walk. My knees, my shoulders, everything hurt! I managed not to baby the pain and finished laundry and cleaned up my house and cooked dinner, then going to work.

Well that was my trip in a nutshell.
I hope that everyone had a great 4th of July. Mine was great, I finally got to sleep in and then my neighbor invited us for a barbeque. Any day i don't have to cook is great!
Take care