What is there to write about? Lately all i can write about is my deep depression. In the last few days i have cried all i can cry, i have fried my brains in thinking on how i went wrong. But it's not my wrong.
Money seems to be the issue, of course that is half of Michigan these days. I was 2 mortgage payments behind and thought i could deal with it. The thing that put me right over the edge was my daughter. My lovely 11 year old daughter, threw in a bill that no one should have to deal with. I'm just going to say it was $700.00 dollars and a cell phone bill. You can piece the rest.
I don't understand why, she don't understand how much i give up for my kids. I don't get my much needed pills and insulin, because i feel feeding the kids should come first! I don't get new clothes, because i don't need to impress anyone and the kids need it more than i. The kids have more than i ever had at their age. I never had a t.v. with cable in my room. And guess what...I still don't! I had a small boom box in my bedroom...my kids have stereo systems with a 5 disc cd changer. I never had game systems....my kids have nds's, ps2's, gameboy advance's...
I hate that i feel this way...i can't trust her and i really hate that feeling! I have yelled, i have cried, i have talked to her and i have almost come close to really physically hurting her. I have punished her, she is not allowed to have any friends over all summer, she is not to be near a phone at all! ABSOLUTELY no computer. I've threatened that i would send her away.
I've prayed for guidance, patience a second job. I am starting to face that i may have to go back to work for Mcdonald's, it will give me the hours that i want to work.
just a rough time, and thought if i wrote it down i might feel better. I just want to know when life will be worth living for me?!